All the halls are haunted
At the National Hotel
Snoring and screaming
Down the halls the demons dwell.
Every night the knocking
Come a-knocking at my door
Calling out for Shirley.
She don't live here anymore.
The radiator rumbles
She's trying to get away
From the cockroach in the corner
Who likes living this-a-way?
And the smell that keeps rising
From down in the green dining room
Makes me think of the waitress
Who's got me baying and howling at the moon.
The carpet lives on ketchup
And the lightbulbs live on flies
And the wallpaper pattern lives on anything
That it can hypnotize.
Repeat First Verse